i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
