Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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