i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
