The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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