Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
