I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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