so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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