First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
