he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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