Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
