What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
