This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
