this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
