I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
