I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
