i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
