is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
