just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
