Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
