that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
