I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
