In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
