Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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