This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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