dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
