Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
