i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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