Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
