i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
