Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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