I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
