the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
