I hope mine doesn't look like that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
