He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
