i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
