i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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