i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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