Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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