Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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