im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
