long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
