I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
