paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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