a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
