When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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