this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
