I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
