bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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