I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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