I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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