I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
