the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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