this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
