I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
