We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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