Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
