I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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