You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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